We’ve been away for 10 days following the changing leaves and they haven’t disappointed.
I heard Jim Gaffigan do a set on Fall Foliage that is hilarious. I may always hear his voice in my head as I take yet another photo or video of falling leaves. But I don’t mind.
God made the seasons because He knows change is good. Think of it, if the leaves never fell there would be no room for new growth.
I wish I could think of changes in my own life as beautiful, but I’m more like Jim Gaffigan’s interpretation of how they’re feeling—I’m dying! I don’t like change because I love summer.
But I would never appreciate a warm summer day if I never had the chill of winter.
Contrasts are what make life beautiful.
But seasons of the heart are unpredictable. They can last only days or for many years. God determines the length of our current season , and since I trust Him I can rest knowing change will come.
Like the leaves all I must do is bend with the wind and let go when it’s time to do so.
A bare tree standing alone isn’t as beautiful as a the bare trees in a forest.
So it is in life. We need connection with good friends, honest friends and faithful friends who will sit with us in our barrenness and whisper to us the hope of Spring; friends who have faced similar seasons aren’t quick to judge or push us forward too soon. They sit, listen and pray.
God is the author of my seasons and each one has a purpose. All I must do is show up each day and embrace the moment.
Chasing leaves this year has shown me it is futile to hang on to what was or what I hoped would be. I must reach in faith for tomorrow as I follow the Lord.
It has been 3 years since I first met you. What a journey you’ve traveled thus far. Through the NICU stay in Tulsa for 116 days, to your Cancer battle in the PICU and the Cancer floors of Advent Health, You have found a way into the hearts of all who know you.
You are still non-verbal, non-mobile and can’t sit on your own. The only food you enjoy comes through your gtube, something your body tolerates very well; You now weigh about 33 lbs. making it difficult for your Mom to lift you for long. I miss our close snuggles on the couch as you would slowly fall asleep in my arms. You have grown so much that you hang off on both sides of my lap and my arm goes to sleep before you do. You much prefer to snuggle with your weighted animals in your own big boy bed. Actually, you still prefer Mom and Dad’s big king-size bed, but they are working to get you to stay in your own bed now.
Your favorite movies are Sing 2, Toy Story 2 (Buzz Lightyear is the best!) and Encanto. Your favorite Children’s programs are Miss Rachel, Blues Clues and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. You love listening to your Mom or Papa Tom play drums on any solid surface. When you laugh your whole body follows along lifting both legs up to your belly. Your laughter is contagious.
You are a coffee lover. Every morning you stare at Mom’s coffee hoping she’ll give you a taste or two or three on a spoon. I tried giving you some Cold Brew Coffee Ice Cream and I thought you would never stop smiling. You didn’t know something so good existed.
This week you will begin pre-school two days a week. Mom is a little nervous about leaving you for several hours, but she is ready for some time to herself. It has been a long time since she’s done much of anything without you right by her side, and she has loved every minute. Yet she is tired. We all need rest and this will be her time to do so.
Elias, your birthday yesterday was so much fun. You loved all the attention, the balloons, the karaoke singing, the candles, the opening of presents and most of all–life itself. You embrace every moment as if it is a gift, as we embrace you as our gift and inspiration. Keep pushing forward one small accomplishment at a time. We believe you will do great things.
This song is endearing and one I’ve often sung to my grandchildren. But today it made me think in opposites. What if the lyrics went something like this?
I see you
A log and a speck
A log and a speck
Puts a grip around the neck
Ouch. Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s unfair judgment? I’m sad to say I have and nothing hurts more.
When I feel falsely accused, all I want to do is defend myself so I’m understood and the tension is released.
But usually defending myself only creates more tension. The best thing is to follow Jesus’ example and walk away. He didn’t answer His accusers unless they were speaking the truth. With all others He kept His mouth shut.
Oh to be like Him.
There is a scripture that has helped me look at this rightly…
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
Matthew 7:1-5 ESV
To realize that any judgment I make against someone will be the same measure God uses against me is sobering. It brings me to my knees in surrender.
If God has allowed the conflict, there is an opportunity to be made more like Christ. But usually I want the other person to feel the sting they’ve assaulted on me. This just proves I’m still in need of a Savior to rescue me from my own sin.
In fact I will never be above the need for His grace working in my heart until I take my last breath.
This Bible verse helps me because the speck is made up of the same log. If the sin of another (the speck) offends me I need to look at myself (the log) first. I’m recognizing the other’s sin because it resides in my own heart as well.
This fact humbles me and brings me to my knees.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,
1 Peter 5:6 ESV
Let us love one another well by dealing with our own heart before pointing a finger at someone else.
I’ll close sharing with you something my pastor said years ago…
“Anytime you’re pointing a finger at someone, know that there are three more pointing back at you.”
When we choose to humble ourselves we can honestly sing, I love you a bushel and a peck…
It was time for my follow-up appt. with my Orthopedic doctor. It had been 3.5 weeks since my downfall, literally, and I was ready to see what progress I had made. Being a rule-follower, I followed his instructions by not putting any weight on my foot and sleeping with my obnoxious boot.
The good news is my fibula fracture is healing as it should. The bad news is I have to start putting weight on it as I can tolerate. He said to let the pain be my guide. If it hurts too bad take a rest.
He explained to me that the pressure of weight on a broken bone actually tells the bone to heal. Without taking the next steps my bone would take longer to heal. This metaphor jumped out at me the moment he said it!
I have to do something painful to receive the full benefits of healing.
How I needed to hear this and maybe you do too. What circumstances in your life have broken your heart? Are you tempted to despair? That’s the worst thing to do for healing to happen. We must stay engaged and keep taking the next step God reveals for us to take. To sit still will only prolong the pain and delay the healing needed.
What help you need will depend on your specific situation; maybe it’s counseling, exercising, quitting a job or setting boundaries in a difficult relationship? Maybe it’s a literal broken bone like I’m facing. Whatever it is the remedy is the same—we must continue moving forward one step at a time.
David in writing Psalm 23 says, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” (Emphasis mine) We shouldn’t stand still and be overcome with fear over harmless shadows. A shadow can’t hurt us, but still the fear can be debilitating.
I encourage you to walk one step at a time through your hard. God will be your Comforter and He will faithfully lead you to still waters.
This song has ministered to me. I pray it will to you as well…
He was my first boss out of high school. He hired me to take the place of a friend of mine named Mardy who was attending college in TX. But I had no idea what the job was, only that it was Monday thru Friday from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Having worked as a restaurant hostess for a couple of years, I was ready for a job with a predictable schedule with good pay and benefits. I had no idea of the benefits I would have working at Nass Service Company, Inc.
It was May 1977. This was a month before I graduated from high school, and three months before Elvis would “leave the building”, as was often said about his death.
I remember this so well because Nyla, who worked in the parts department, had an obsession with The King of Rock and Roll. She cried hysterically when his death was announced over the radio. I cried for her and her broken heart.
On the day of his funeral, Bill brought in a little portable black and white TV so Nyla could attend his memorial service and say goodbye to him.
Bill had a compassionate heart.
It was a family business. His wife, Jimmie, was the office manager. Bill was the General Manager. His brother at one point was the Service Manager and his Niece worked in the Parts Dept. He also had one son who was a tech in the Service Dept.
I was hired as the receptionist and I loved being the one to greet customers, technicians, the mailman and our UPS delivery man, Boots.
Once hired you became family; the kind that laughs, cries, celebrates and reprimands you. Even when we would get in trouble for kidding around too much, Bill would always end up joining in the fun one way or another.
Bill had a great sense of humor and let us all call him Uncle Bill.
After Tom and I were married and had our first baby, Tom wanted to quit the retail industry. Bill was looking for a new Service Manager and Tom asked if he could apply.
Bill and Jimmie had us over for dinner to talk about it. Bill said he wanted Tom to come in on his day off to see if he liked it. Tom loved the job and quit his General Manager position at Gordon’s Jewelers the next day.
It wasn’t until years later that Bill told us he was actually considering a couple of others for the job, but when Tom quit his job he didn’t have the heart to turn him away.
We heard later that he had been mistakenly hired by Mr. Nass in Miami too. So he extended to Tom the same grace he had received.
Bill was empathetic and understanding.
When I heard last week that Bill Freeman had breathed his last breath in this life, my heart was a mixture of sadness and gratefulness. Sad that I would no longer be able to see him, but grateful for the memories shared and lessons he taught me.
Uncle Bill practically raised all the young adults he hired. Two even became his daughters-in-law. He taught us a sound work ethic, not an easy job for all our pranking ways. He let us be ourselves all the while leading us into being responsible adults.
Well, we like to think we’re responsible when needed. Uncle Bill might have said otherwise with a huge grin on his face.
Uncle Bill, I will miss you and always love you and your compassionate, humorous, empathetic and understanding heart. What a gift you have given all who knew and loved you. Now that’s a benefit most jobs don’t offer these days.
I’m almost 64 years old and have just experienced a new kind of broken—a broken fibula, a spiral fracture to be more specific.
It happened so fast and was really unnecessary. Yet it happened and now I have to go through the process and all that healing entails.
When I told my daughter she exclaimed, “Mom, you can’t get a break!” We both laughed realizing that yes, yes I had received a break. 😂
The Details
I got out of the pool and put on my flip flops with wet feet, mind you. A few minutes later I took one step down on our pool deck. That’s when my foot slid through the flip flop causing me to fall on my right ankle. Ouch, is an understatement. I was in pain!
My two granddaughters were visiting us and also in the pool. As a Nana my biggest concern was holding my emotions in check for them. I didn’t want to scare them, but I knew my foot was hurt really bad.
Tom wanted to help me up, but I couldn’t imagine trying. So we called 911. One look at my foot and the EMT said you need to go to the ER and have that checked.
Tom couldn’t come with me.
Our girls were ready for our neighborhood 4th of July Parade. We had decorated two wagons for them to pull filled with stuffed animals to make the experience complete. But Nana couldn’t be there now; I fought tears of disappointment.
I was grateful I was only at the ER for 4 hours—surprising considering it was a holiday. The bad news was I couldn’t get my pain meds until the next day. which leads to my next moment of gratefulness this break provided me.
All night long my foot hurt so bad.
It was a constant stabbing pain that made me groan like I was in labor. There was nothing to be done but endure the pain until morning.
I remembered One who endured stabbing pains for me, and He did it willingly. Jesus’ feet were pierced through on the Cross as He hung there for hours crying in anguish.
In the darkness of that night I had a fresh revelation of His sacrifice of love. I whispered with tears of gratefulness, “Thank you, Jesus.”
When dawn came the pain subsided to bearable levels.
Why is it pain is so much worse when under the cover of darkness. The morning light brought much needed relief with Tom’s ability to fill my pain medicine. Thank God!
“Weeping may tarry for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”
Psalm 30:5b
I am now one week on the mend. I realize how much worse this could have been. How is it possible that I have no other scrapes, bruises or sore spots? It’s as if God caught me on the way down making sure no more damage was done.
He measures our pain.
“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
1 Peter 5:10 ESV
I may be broken, but I know the healer of broken things, my ankle included.
Elias Angel Aznaran, age 2 1/2, was dedicated to the Lord as were his parents in front of our church family. In the congregation were seated hundreds of faithful, praying friends who have loved our little boy by providing for them. Including: meals for them during his long 7 month cancer treatments, helping clean and organize their home. They donated not only time, but their financial support as well through his Go Fund Me campaign.
There was a moment in the dedication when our pastor turned to the church and said, “As Hannah prayed for her son in the temple, so too, you have prayed for their son, Elias Angel.” It was then that I was overwhelmed, crying with gratefulness to all of them for their support and prayers, but more their love for our family.
But God.
He is our strong tower. He provides for us what we need when we need it, but not necessarily when we want it.
It’s like the disciples when they were overwhelmed with the events of Thursday and Friday. Saturday must have been a day of bewilderment to them all. “What just happened?” They could do nothing but wait until Sabbath was over. It was then they could take care of their Rabbi and bury Him as was required by the Law. They had no idea what God had in store for them.
Jesus didn’t come resurrected with a huge fanfare. Instead He did what was needed, He fed them. Then He made His presence known while they were doing an ordinary thing–eating breakfast.
How often is Christ walking with us in similar ways, but we don’t recognize His presence?
Looking back now, since Elias’ birth, I can see Him clearly. Most of the questions we had then have been answered in miraculous ways; Will he be able to hear? How will Matt and Heather care for him without the help and support of family? Will Heather have what she needs to physically provide for him? Will there be insurance to cover all this? What about what isn’t covered?
So many questions that haunted us then, now have answers. At least for the time being. God knew then where we would be now. And He knows where this road will lead us, but we can only get there one step at a time.
This year Easter will be a day remembered as a Memorial of Thankfulness to God for the gift of this sweet boy. He lights up any room he enters with his smile. And oh how we love him.
As we face all the days following with more unanswered questions, we are confident that God is walking before us leading the way. We are purposing to thank Him now, in advance for all He will do, for His glory and our good.
“Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen.”
A small group of us from our church packed up in our bus and headed North for what I thought was a retreat. Our Youth pastor put the trip together for high-schoolers, college students, and young married couples. The plan was to camp out together and take part in a gathering of other like-minded students to worship Jesus. I was 16 about to begin my Junior year of high school. My brother, Billy, was 21 and about to go to University of Florida for his Junior year in Pharmacy school. My sister, age 22 and her husband had been married for almost 2 years and came with all their newly married friends. It was a fun group, especially for me because I loved hanging out with my big brother and sister. I was finally at the age when they liked my company.
I was raised Southern Baptist. My idea of retreats as a teen was fun, games, boys, swimming, crafts and singing.
This was far from the format of Ichthus. God was about to introduce me to His presence in a way I didn’t know was possible.
When we arrived we set up camp and headed to our first session on the huge outdoor stage with the banner “ICHTHUS 75” waving overhead. First to perform was a talented man, Andrae’ Crouch and his twin sister, Sandra. They were called Andrae’ Crouch and the Disciples. Their story is worth reading, but I’ll let you Google it yourself. This is one of his first songs that I heard live. Take a moment and listen if you’re not familiar with his work.
I was surprised to see all around me lifting their hands as they worshiped God. This was a new experience that made me uncomfortable. But the way these people loved Jesus was inescapable. I wanted to know Jesus the way they did. The rain that came later couldn’t dampen the passion that God was stirring in our hearts for Him.
I discovered I’m not the only one who remembers this soaked weekend in the rain and in the Spirit…
“Ichthus influenced people from all different parts of the country and from different walks of life. Tanya Goodman Sykes (of the Happy Goodman Family) wrote at Andraé Crouch’s passing in 2015,
“I can still remember how the rain felt on my skin that day. I was 15 years old, and my friends and I had driven to Wilmore, Kentucky, to attend the Ichthus Festival at Asbury College. We were beyond thrilled because Andraé Crouch and the Disciples were headlining that year. There was a steady drizzle the entire drive up, and just before Andraé took the stage, it gave way to heavy rain, but it didn’t dampen my enthusiasm. There was a palpable sense of excitement in the air that day as an entire hillside of dripping wet, mostly teenagers sang along- “Jesus is the answer for the world today…” Truly, I have never experienced anything quite like it before or since. And I certainly have never stood in the pouring rain to hear anyone else.
“Rev. Jack Harnish, also remembered the passing of Andraé Crouch in 2015 writing,
“The highlight of the weekend was a performance by Andraé Crouch and the Disciples. If the whole notion of a folk-rock festival was a bit shocking for the town of Wilmore, the fact that the headliner was an African American was even more controversial. But once he took the stage, no one could question his spirit and his gift… I remember him closing the festival that weekend with, “It won’t be long, soon we’ll be leavin’ here; it won’t be long, we’ll be goin’ home.” “
After this weekend I returned home to Orlando with a fresh passion to know God. I realized that at 16 years of age there was no way I had learned all there was to know about Him. I started taking notes and reading the Bible as I never had before. God was real and I couldn’t wait to learn more about Him and to love and serve Him for the rest of my life.
I tell you all this because last week on February 8th a fresh outpouring of the Holy Spirit began on the same grounds where I experienced a similar awakening 48 years ago. During what seemed an ordinary chapel for the college students, the Lord decided it was time to pour out His love afresh on all who asked. And ask they did. Hours turned into days and days into over a week. And they’re still going. The administration at Asbury College said they won’t stop what the Lord is doing. Lives are being touched by a Holy God and word has spread far and wide.
Last night I listened to the message given during chapel. It was a good message that obviously hit a chord in the hearts of those in attendance. It’s based on Romans 12, but that’s all I’m saying. I encourage you to take 30 minutes and listen. Then pray that God will move in our hearts, our cities and towns in like manner.
As Andrae’ wrote, “It won’t be long…we’ll be goin’ home.”
I’ll never forget hearing your Dad tell me over the phone, “His name is Elias Angel.” He said it with such certainty that I took notice. Your Mom was still unconscious from an emergency C-section. I was keeping your Dad company by phone as he waited alone in the middle of the night for news.
Elias means The Lord is my God. Angel means Messenger from God. I can’t help but wonder if your life isn’t a message sent to us by our Heavenly Father letting us know more of Him.
Elias in the NICU – tiny warrior
When your parents brought you home after 116 days in the NICU, I couldn’t wait to see you in person. You see, you were born right in the middle of a worldwide pandemic caused by a wicked virus called COVID-19. No one but your parents were allowed in the hospital to see you. I stared at every photo your Mommy sent to me. I caressed your sweet face in my heart as I lifted my prayers to the One who created you.
Another virus caused you to have many health problems. CMV. It is a virus that is minor in its effects to adults, but most often fatal for unborn babies. At 24 weeks and 5 days God decided to rescue you from this virus. Once you were born the meds were administered to stop CMV in its tracks. But the damage done was irreversible. At least that is what we were told.
Yes. It is confirmed by MRIs that you have microcephaly and only 40% of your brain mass. (See Ultra-sound photo above)
Yes. It is most likely to be confirmed as you turn two that you also have Cerebral Palsy.
But God. When we see your cognitive ability, the way you look at us and react to what we do and say is nothing but miraculous. Yes. You can do more than they thought. But your limitations are also many: You can’t sit. You can’t talk. You can’t walk. You can’t swallow food. But God. He is writing your story to a watching world.
Hundreds all over the globe from California to the Bahamas, to the faraway country of Ukraine have leaned in to hear every update your Mom writes. They want to watch what our amazing God will do. We have prayed for miracles. We have cried on our knees for His will to be done in your life. And I just realized something huge–God has answered our prayers. You, my sweet grandson, are a miracle. Like Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol, you are teaching all of us how to rejoice in long-suffering and how to have joy in the midst of pain.
When you cock your head to the side and smile at me the way you do, it’s as if you’re looking deep into my heart saying, “It’s going to be okay, Nana.” When I hold you and snuggle I pray for God to help us help you to the best of our ability. And He has.
When your eye began to bulge and your Mom asked if I thought it was bulging, I prayed, “Please, Lord. Don’t let this be cancer.” But it was and now we are walking with you through your silent battle with this beast called Rhabdomyosarcoma. You can’t tell us what hurts. It is hard not knowing what you need when you need it.
But God. I find comfort in knowing that He knows what you need and He is working miracles everyday that you continue to fight. The joy on your face comes and goes now, and it’s in those moments when all I see is your boo-boo face, that I want to cry and take the pain for you. But I can’t.
Your life is speaking volumes to all of us about perseverance and hope that doesn’t fade. And you haven’t spoken a word.
Two years now I have loved you, and I will continue to love you for all eternity. But my most important prayer for you, sweet Elias Angel, is that you will know the love of your Heavenly Father who dwells in the secret places with you. He is always there and comforts you in all your afflictions. You have a godly inheritance that will not fade. It is being kept in Heaven for you. So stay the course Elias, and I will be by your side to sing your song to you every day if you like. That’s what Nana’s do. “God bless us, every one.”
Today my heart is once again clinging to God and His Word for strength, help and comfort.
Elias, our 22 month old grandson, is a fighter. He has been since he was born.
Born at 24 weeks and 5 days, after his water world broke at 22 weeks
He was in the NICU for 116 days
He was born with CMV which led to microcephaly and cerebral palsy
He exudes more joy than most of us on our best days
He is a miracle whom God rescued
Now another challenge has confronted him. He has cancer—rhabdomyosarcoma—behind his left eye to be specific. Of the two strands, his is the one less threatening, but still serious. He had a biopsy of his protruding left eye revealing a 1” tumor intertwined with nerves and blood vessels—inoperable. The pressure in his eye threatens glaucoma.
God rescued him yet again. Heather happened to read the story of a little boy who’s eye started bulging. It turned out he had this same cancer hiding behind the eye. After reading it, Heather thought Elias’ eye looked a little bulged. Her doctors all said to watch it and see if it changed. Most likely it was just swollen with allergens.
Had she not read this story we may not have noticed the threat as quickly. She has tried to go and find this article to no avail. Could it be God was leading her in a miraculous way?
Elias will have to do many more hard things to fight this beast. One happened yesterday when they inserted an NG tube through his right nostril. To say he didn’t like it would be an understatement! I am grateful I wasn’t there to experience his protest. Nana has limits. The good part of this, Elias will get all the nutrition he needs to gain some weight before chemo begins. It is also giving Heather the first break from around the clock feeds since he was born.
What’s next? Tomorrow he will have a bone marrow biopsy as well as a spinal to see if there are any cancer cells hiding there. He will also have a PET scan.
A two week hospital stay is likely this time. And once again we wait.
But God! He is not absent or indifferent. While I can’t say why He allows these things to happen. I can say that He has rescued little Elias for a reason. His joy is infectious, ask anyone who has followed his story—and there are many! He has shown us all how to keep going making the most of each day.
I love this little guy so much.
The Lord impressed Psalm 16:5-6 on me yesterday at church:
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” - Psalm 16:5-6 ESV
My circumstances are not the boundary lines around me. If they were it would be hard to agree with David that my lines are pleasant places. No. God has also said in His Word that He goes before me and behind me. HE is the lines that surround me giving me boundaries of His grace. I can rest knowing He’s my Shepherd no matter what threatens.
Indeed, the lines have fallen in Pleasant Places!
If you would like to help, our oldest daughter set up a Go Fund Me campaign to provide for their many needs in the months to come.
Write from the heart 