Tomorrow our lives will change forever. We will meet the newest addition to our family and her name is Liliana Grace.
She is the blessing we never expected but desperately needed. Her presence in our family will provide much joy and healing. And her big brother, Elias, will love her like no one else.
She will understand him, love him, help him and make him laugh. How do I know? It’s because Elias laughs with joy with everyone he meets. But Liliana will be his little sister—That’s special.
There is much trepidation going into tomorrow. Our greatest confidence is that God goes before us and has made a way on this unknown path.
I will be spending time helping Heather heal after her c-section and caring for Elias. This is so different than our experience when Elias was born nearly four years ago.
The world was facing a pandemic causing fear everywhere.
Elias was safe in the NICU of Hillcrest Hospital in Tulsa, OK. But we weren’t allowed to meet him. Strict protocols allowed only the parents admittance to his bedside, which was the right call.
We finally met him in February, 2021 after 116 days in the hospital. What a moment of great longing fulfilled.
I have the same longing now for Liliana.
If you read this please pray for Heather as she brings life to our family on August 28, 2024. This date is special for many reasons but the most obvious is its connection with Romans 8:28…
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 ESV
What a verse to mark Liliana’s life from her beginning. I think Elias would agree.
Tomorrow is the first day that I will know and love her for the rest of my life. It’s time for me to start writing her very own song…from Nana, with love.
Elias Angel Aznaran, age 2 1/2, was dedicated to the Lord as were his parents in front of our church family. In the congregation were seated hundreds of faithful, praying friends who have loved our little boy by providing for them. Including: meals for them during his long 7 month cancer treatments, helping clean and organize their home. They donated not only time, but their financial support as well through his Go Fund Me campaign.
There was a moment in the dedication when our pastor turned to the church and said, “As Hannah prayed for her son in the temple, so too, you have prayed for their son, Elias Angel.” It was then that I was overwhelmed, crying with gratefulness to all of them for their support and prayers, but more their love for our family.
But God.
He is our strong tower. He provides for us what we need when we need it, but not necessarily when we want it.
It’s like the disciples when they were overwhelmed with the events of Thursday and Friday. Saturday must have been a day of bewilderment to them all. “What just happened?” They could do nothing but wait until Sabbath was over. It was then they could take care of their Rabbi and bury Him as was required by the Law. They had no idea what God had in store for them.
Jesus didn’t come resurrected with a huge fanfare. Instead He did what was needed, He fed them. Then He made His presence known while they were doing an ordinary thing–eating breakfast.
How often is Christ walking with us in similar ways, but we don’t recognize His presence?
Looking back now, since Elias’ birth, I can see Him clearly. Most of the questions we had then have been answered in miraculous ways; Will he be able to hear? How will Matt and Heather care for him without the help and support of family? Will Heather have what she needs to physically provide for him? Will there be insurance to cover all this? What about what isn’t covered?
So many questions that haunted us then, now have answers. At least for the time being. God knew then where we would be now. And He knows where this road will lead us, but we can only get there one step at a time.
This year Easter will be a day remembered as a Memorial of Thankfulness to God for the gift of this sweet boy. He lights up any room he enters with his smile. And oh how we love him.
As we face all the days following with more unanswered questions, we are confident that God is walking before us leading the way. We are purposing to thank Him now, in advance for all He will do, for His glory and our good.
“Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen.”
I’ll never forget hearing your Dad tell me over the phone, “His name is Elias Angel.” He said it with such certainty that I took notice. Your Mom was still unconscious from an emergency C-section. I was keeping your Dad company by phone as he waited alone in the middle of the night for news.
Elias means The Lord is my God. Angel means Messenger from God. I can’t help but wonder if your life isn’t a message sent to us by our Heavenly Father letting us know more of Him.
Elias in the NICU – tiny warrior
When your parents brought you home after 116 days in the NICU, I couldn’t wait to see you in person. You see, you were born right in the middle of a worldwide pandemic caused by a wicked virus called COVID-19. No one but your parents were allowed in the hospital to see you. I stared at every photo your Mommy sent to me. I caressed your sweet face in my heart as I lifted my prayers to the One who created you.
Another virus caused you to have many health problems. CMV. It is a virus that is minor in its effects to adults, but most often fatal for unborn babies. At 24 weeks and 5 days God decided to rescue you from this virus. Once you were born the meds were administered to stop CMV in its tracks. But the damage done was irreversible. At least that is what we were told.
Yes. It is confirmed by MRIs that you have microcephaly and only 40% of your brain mass. (See Ultra-sound photo above)
Yes. It is most likely to be confirmed as you turn two that you also have Cerebral Palsy.
But God. When we see your cognitive ability, the way you look at us and react to what we do and say is nothing but miraculous. Yes. You can do more than they thought. But your limitations are also many: You can’t sit. You can’t talk. You can’t walk. You can’t swallow food. But God. He is writing your story to a watching world.
Hundreds all over the globe from California to the Bahamas, to the faraway country of Ukraine have leaned in to hear every update your Mom writes. They want to watch what our amazing God will do. We have prayed for miracles. We have cried on our knees for His will to be done in your life. And I just realized something huge–God has answered our prayers. You, my sweet grandson, are a miracle. Like Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol, you are teaching all of us how to rejoice in long-suffering and how to have joy in the midst of pain.
When you cock your head to the side and smile at me the way you do, it’s as if you’re looking deep into my heart saying, “It’s going to be okay, Nana.” When I hold you and snuggle I pray for God to help us help you to the best of our ability. And He has.
When your eye began to bulge and your Mom asked if I thought it was bulging, I prayed, “Please, Lord. Don’t let this be cancer.” But it was and now we are walking with you through your silent battle with this beast called Rhabdomyosarcoma. You can’t tell us what hurts. It is hard not knowing what you need when you need it.
But God. I find comfort in knowing that He knows what you need and He is working miracles everyday that you continue to fight. The joy on your face comes and goes now, and it’s in those moments when all I see is your boo-boo face, that I want to cry and take the pain for you. But I can’t.
Your life is speaking volumes to all of us about perseverance and hope that doesn’t fade. And you haven’t spoken a word.
Two years now I have loved you, and I will continue to love you for all eternity. But my most important prayer for you, sweet Elias Angel, is that you will know the love of your Heavenly Father who dwells in the secret places with you. He is always there and comforts you in all your afflictions. You have a godly inheritance that will not fade. It is being kept in Heaven for you. So stay the course Elias, and I will be by your side to sing your song to you every day if you like. That’s what Nana’s do. “God bless us, every one.”
Today my heart is once again clinging to God and His Word for strength, help and comfort.
Elias, our 22 month old grandson, is a fighter. He has been since he was born.
Born at 24 weeks and 5 days, after his water world broke at 22 weeks
He was in the NICU for 116 days
He was born with CMV which led to microcephaly and cerebral palsy
He exudes more joy than most of us on our best days
He is a miracle whom God rescued
Now another challenge has confronted him. He has cancer—rhabdomyosarcoma—behind his left eye to be specific. Of the two strands, his is the one less threatening, but still serious. He had a biopsy of his protruding left eye revealing a 1” tumor intertwined with nerves and blood vessels—inoperable. The pressure in his eye threatens glaucoma.
God rescued him yet again. Heather happened to read the story of a little boy who’s eye started bulging. It turned out he had this same cancer hiding behind the eye. After reading it, Heather thought Elias’ eye looked a little bulged. Her doctors all said to watch it and see if it changed. Most likely it was just swollen with allergens.
Had she not read this story we may not have noticed the threat as quickly. She has tried to go and find this article to no avail. Could it be God was leading her in a miraculous way?
Elias will have to do many more hard things to fight this beast. One happened yesterday when they inserted an NG tube through his right nostril. To say he didn’t like it would be an understatement! I am grateful I wasn’t there to experience his protest. Nana has limits. The good part of this, Elias will get all the nutrition he needs to gain some weight before chemo begins. It is also giving Heather the first break from around the clock feeds since he was born.
What’s next? Tomorrow he will have a bone marrow biopsy as well as a spinal to see if there are any cancer cells hiding there. He will also have a PET scan.
A two week hospital stay is likely this time. And once again we wait.
But God! He is not absent or indifferent. While I can’t say why He allows these things to happen. I can say that He has rescued little Elias for a reason. His joy is infectious, ask anyone who has followed his story—and there are many! He has shown us all how to keep going making the most of each day.
I love this little guy so much.
The Lord impressed Psalm 16:5-6 on me yesterday at church:
“The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” - Psalm 16:5-6 ESV
My circumstances are not the boundary lines around me. If they were it would be hard to agree with David that my lines are pleasant places. No. God has also said in His Word that He goes before me and behind me. HE is the lines that surround me giving me boundaries of His grace. I can rest knowing He’s my Shepherd no matter what threatens.
Indeed, the lines have fallen in Pleasant Places!
If you would like to help, our oldest daughter set up a Go Fund Me campaign to provide for their many needs in the months to come.
Write from the heart 